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  • Writer's pictureCourtney Heard

14 Ways To Destroy Religion With Your Kids

*Blank stare*

So, I read this.

Don’t look at me like that. You know I can’t help myself.

Interestingly, there are some good points in Natasha’s post. Actually, there are some brilliant points. Credit where credit is goddamned due, no holy. However, Natasha ruins the whole thing in her second point.

Oh, but let me show you how.

Mrs. Crain says,

At an age-appropriate level, we discussed how some people just don’t want to believe in God because they want to live without any (moral) rules; how some people see all the bad stuff happening in the world and decide a good God can’t possibly exist; how some people think the world has just always existed without a creator; how some people think the world would be very different if God existed; and so on. This can lead to a great conversation about how the decision to accept or reject God (and Jesus) is the most important decision people must make in life.

Yeah, K.

Yeah, K.

Fucking wrong, Mrs. Crain. Have you ever even spoken to an atheist? It appears not, because there’s not a single atheist on this planet who would tell you that they do not believe in God so they can live without moral rules. Some certainly found their way to atheism by questioning how a good God can exist, but, you see, if there were evidence for his existence, you wouldn’t be able to deny it whether you wanted to or not. I would estimate about 99.9% of atheists do not believe in God because there is no evidence for his existence. That is literally the only reason. Given evidence, we would believe and this is about the 832nd time I’ve explained this just this week. If there are atheists out there who lack belief in God for any other reason, please, by all means, post why in the comments.

So, this woman is not only teaching her children lies about the nature of existence, evidence, science and morality, but she’s also lying to her kids about atheists, setting them up to be completely misinformed well into adulthood, and to look like fools when talking to anyone who knows better.

Way to go Christian mommy. Jeebo must be proud of you.

In response to her list about atheism and how to talk to your kids about it, I have come up with my own list for how to talk to your kids about religion. I was planning on being nice, until she decided to express her horrifically wrong views for why atheists do not believe in God. No more nice. Fuck her.

1. Be intentional in pointing out that reality is not enough for some people. That’s right, your kids may be shocked to find out that the boundless Universe, the vast expanse of the Cosmos, and infinite galaxies and innumerable possibilities is simply not enough to strike a chord in some people. There are those who need magical ghosts and fairy tales to give their lives meaning, purpose, wonder and awe.

Pope approved

Watch where you’re stickin’ that thumb, there Frankie.

2. Discuss reasons why people do believe in God. Let your kids know that the vast majority of these people are, deep in their core, murderers and rapists and the only thing stopping them from acting out their nature, is a book written 2000 years ago by uneducated men in the desert who thought people got sick because they had fantasies about smoking pole. The Bible is literally the single thing stopping them from killing and raping. Molesting is different though. It’s Pope-approved.

3. Be sure to tell them that Jesus may actually never have existed and whether or not he did really has no bearing on our lives whatsoever. Feel free to tell them the stories of Jesus’ life from the Bible and then ask them if it makes sense to them. When they say no, let them know that some people actually believe those stories, even though there is no evidence at all to prove them and in fact, there is quite a bit of evidence to the contrary. It’s okay to laugh with your kids about this.

4. Tell your children that the people who believe Jesus was the son of God, believe it because the Bible describes miracles performed by him to prove his identity. Follow it up by telling them the indisputable fact that there is no evidence that anything in the Bible is true and that at best, a small handful of these stories can be used to illustrate moral lessons. You can also show them a few easy magic tricks to show them that miracles can just be slight of hand.

Jesus resurrects some fresh beats

Jesus resurrects some fresh beats

5. Acknowledge that the resurrection is a fantastic example of special pleading. All our common sense and scientific knowledge about the nature of death, tells us that people cannot come back from the dead. In the case of Christians, however, a special case is made for Jesus, based on absolutely zero evidence outside of a book of tales written 2000 years ago in the desert by obscenely uneducated men. Decades after Christ’s death. They didn’t even know him. Oh, and it was translated countless times.

6. Ask what your kids have heard at school from those who believe in God. You may be surprised how much horseshit they’re being fed without your knowledge. Be aware of it, counter it, and always, always ask your kids if it makes sense to them.

7. Read apologetics books together. After your inevitable laughing fits, answer their questions that will more than likely arise about how people can actually believe this utter nonsense. Explain to them: intense fear of death, scientific illiteracy, ignorance and an unwillingness to take into account new information (for instance, why atheists really don’t believe in God) are all reasons for why people defend their beliefs blindly.

8. Discuss relevant current events from newspaper articles. For instance, the Catholic sex abuse scandals, ISIS, the orthodox Jewish babies getting herpes from post bris blow jobs, the #FreeMubarak campaign which yours truly worked on, how Saudi Arabia is rounding up atheist bloggers and putting them in jail, the fight for equality for homosexual men and women and everything that falls in between, and much much more. This is also an excellent time to point out that just because the religious think their ancient books make them moral, it is actually quite the opposite. It appears as though their ancient books give them reason to commit heinous acts against humanity in the name of God. You can tell your children, that the only way to be truly moral, is to trust your innate empathy and pay attention to the consequences of your actions.

9. Introduce religious memes for discussion. This one is really not necessary because in all my time on the internet (a long time) I have yet to see one that contained any sort of convincing argument against reality. This step is more or less just for shits and giggles.

10. Read stories of people who turned away from atheism. Explain that someone who identified as an atheist who suddenly believes in God, was never an atheist to begin with. In order to identify as an atheist, you must be aware of the fact that there is no evidence for God. Unless and until that evidence surfaces, an atheist will not change their mind.

11. Challenge your kids with role play. Easily find out how your kids will react to the arguments by religious fanatics for the existence of God and the necessity of religion in a person’s life. Challenge their ability to express what they do and do not believe. Urge them to use reason, logic and evidence to support what they are saying. Most importantly, introduce them to the Hitchslap and give a prize for every time one of your kids throws down a similarly Hitchensian response.

12. Watch debates between religious people and atheists. I can’t wait until the day I can sit down with my boy and introduce to him the razor sharp wit and clarity of Hitchens, or the calm, cool, collected intelligence of Sam Harris, or Richard Dawkins’ intimidatingly brilliant scientific mind. Pop some corn, sit back and watch the four horsemen blow every religious argument out of the water using evidence, reason and logic. This step is well aided by a foam finger and a bullhorn.

13. Read a book together by a Christian and then a rebuttal by an atheist (or vice versa). This exercise helps kids understand the nature of evidence and how to use reason to figure out what’s true and what is not. It’s also a great way to illustrate how even grown ups don’t grow out of fairy tales and how the life of an atheist is more moral and more respectable than that of an indoctrination-supporting theist who refuses to accept new information as it becomes available. Point out how the atheist world view is ever-changing with new discoveries and new facts being made known, but the beliefs of a theist remain the same, unless and until they become an atheist or an agnostic.

14. Check out religious web sites together. Although, I would urge you to do this when they are much, much older and not easily frightened as the imagery of dead, bloody, beaten bodies hanging on crosses can be a bit much for a child to take. Fuck, it’s even a bit much for an atheist adult to take. Explain to your kids, when they are ready, that for some reason, theists obsess over gore. They decorate their places of worship with it, they slice genitals up as a tradition, they read exceptionally gory stories and assure us it’s because that’s how they figure out what’s moral. Yes, their obsession with gore is terrifying, and their deriving their morality from stories of gore is even more frightening, but if we continue to live within the bounds of reason and logic and empathy, we can help keep up the rapid pace of declining numbers of theists, and ultimately make the world a way, way, way better and more moral place.

Of course, most of these points are tongue in cheek and I don’t actually think that making fun of people with your kids is a good way to parent. However, I got my back up after Cunty-McJeeby said we don’t believe in God because we don’t want to live with moral rules.

She fuckin’ started it.


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