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  • Writer's pictureCourtney Heard

Life Is Short, So Christians Have Affairs?

In a twist of absolute poeticism, a web site that facilitates affairs between two married people, has reported how its users identify religiously and the winner, by a whopping 70%+ is, you guessed it, Christianity.

Sound the church bells, Jeebybaters, it’s crisis aversion time! Where the fuck is Bible Man when you need him?

Robin Schumacher, apologist-in-chief of The Confident Christian, was kind enough to step in for Bible Man and the ever-elusive Christo, and explain to us why this is the case on the web site, Ashley Madison, and how, of course, it’s not the Christ cuddlers fault.

Robin generously offers an explanatory quote from sociologist, Dr. Eric Anderson, who says,

“People who have faith often use it as an outlet for forgiveness so they’re more likely to cheat and less likely to feel guilty.”

I agree with this to some extent, but I do think there is far more to it than that. This is a far too simplistic way of looking at it. So let’s see what Robin says.

On the surface, it certainly is depressing to see 70+% of the respondents indicate they’re Christ-followers. If I was an atheist, I’d be tempted to respond, “And you say we can’t live moral lives without God…?!”

Tempted? TEMPTED? Oh, Robin, I’m compelled to say that. Except, the statement on atheists lips after reading these stats is more like, “And they think they have a monopoly on morality?!”

First, if the majority of respondents are U.S. based, then it is a fair bet we are dealing with cultural Christianity and those who may have been brought up in a Christian environment and identify with Christianity, but are actually not truly born again.

No True Scotsman

A true Scotsman

So, no true Scotsmen? You sure you wanna belly flop your way onto that one and stay with it, Robin? It’s funny, because “cultural” Christian seemed to mean something completely different two weeks ago when Richard Dawkins mistakenly used those words to describe himself, instead of “secular Christian”. The Christian press jumped all over it, practically taking him on as one of their own. Just to be clear then, when it’s a famous and brilliant scientist, “Cultural Christian” means “one of us” but when it’s adulterous fornicators on a web site, “Cultural Christian” means, “not one of us”. Got it.

Next, we have no way via the article of validating Dr. Anderson’s conjecture behind the supposed rationale for those committing adultery (e.g. is he citing scientific studies, etc.)

Considering he’s a doctor of sociology and was tapped on the shoulder to offer his professional take on the matter, I’d venture to guess his theory is closer to the truth than say, “they’re just not true Christians”. I do, however, think he’s left some of it out. The world’s biggest religions make sex and desire something from which great amounts of shame spring, forcing the devoutly religious to suppress their natural urges. With enough suppression, something will eventually give and manifest itself in more sinister a secretive forms of sexual behaviour. Systematic molestation of children by the Catholic church is a great example of this.

Perhaps those betraying their spouses feel little to no remorse whatsoever and the forgiveness aspect doesn’t enter the picture at all because they aren’t truly Christians and don’t have the Holy Spirit convicting them.

If every adulterer and every ‘Cultural Christian” out there is not a true Christian, you realize you’re probably left with maybe a dozen people, right? So, you have Richard Dawkins since the Christian press decided to assimilate him in a desperate attempt to fill the absence of intelligence among the ranks of believers, and you, Robin, of course (I assume you’ve never committed anything as bad as adultery), and maybe 10 of your friends. It’s not really a religion anymore then is it? That’s just Saturday night at Tom Cruise’s house being crashed by a genius evolutionary biologist.

Too few in the Church today have a strong, Biblical theology and a correct view of salvation.

I suppose you, Robin, are going to tell us what that correct view is. After all, you’re the chosen one who must have God on speakerphone while you write your post. God has chosen you to rain true revelation on, while the rest of Christendom is just being punked by the big guy, right?

Yeah, well, pardon me Robin, if I don’t stick around to hear about how you know the one true path to salvation. I’ve heard that line before and you don’t want to know what was at the end of that path. Let’s just agree that you should keep your salvation in your rectory before someone get’s arrested, and we can move on.


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