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  • Writer's pictureCourtney Heard

How A Newborn Baby Girl Threatens Religious Freedom

Another day, another wildly misled fool crushing hopes and dreams. This time, the birth of a new baby girl has a dark cloud hanging over it. Who dun brung it? Cannagitta JESUS?

Jami & Krista are brand new moms to Bay, a gorgeous little doll whose new life ought to be the source nothing but joy and celebration right now. Unfortunately, because Jami & Krista love and support each other and want nothing more than to pass on all the love they have to a child, their doctor decided to refuse to treat Bay.

So, Doc, let me get this straight. God is love. Jeeby is a doll. The Holy Ghost may just be fart, but he’s a fart full of love. The Christian way is to protect human life even if it was just conceived after karaoke night at the Ol’ Tin Whistle, where pitchers are free if you throw your panties on Doug, the body-less moose who watches over the dart board.

Protect human life in the name of Jesus.

All human life, big and small.

That is, unless she has two moms.

Am I getting this right?

Theists, if you ever wonder why I hold such contempt for your bullshit religion, there y’are.

Dr. Roi, who I wish I could have been able to say was a stand-up, respectable medical professional, but who is, instead, a complete piece of shit, wrote Jami & Krista a letter to explain her position. Shall we take a gander?

Dear Jami & Krista: I am writing this letter of apology as I feel that it is important and necessary.

How thoughtful of you.

I never meant to hurt either one of you.

And yet, you did. Because something that has never been proven to be real told you to.

After much prayer following your prenatal, I felt that I would not be able to develop the personal patient doctor relationship that I normally do with my patients.

Because you didn’t have an understanding of what a doctor does the entire time you were at medical school? Because Jesus could care for a leper and you can’t be in the same fucking room as two women who love each other?

I felt that was not fair to the two of you or to Bay.

I can agree with this wholeheartedly. Who would want an irrational, hateful goon as their baby girl’s doctor?

I felt that you deserved that type of relationship and I know you would get that with Dr. Karam.

Because Dr. Karam is a professional who understands the role of a doctor.

We do not keep prenatal information once we have our meetings so I had no way to contact you.

I know you Christmas crackers love to bash science n’ all, but Google is a great thing. A really great thing.

I found out on the Monday morning that you were coming and I made the decision that it would be better for Dr. Karam to see Bay.

Afraid of catching the carpet-munching cooties? Couldn’t get that picture of a giant black strap-on out of your head? Was it getting swampy in your panties, Dr. Roi? Did that make you feel uncomfortable in your no-no parts?

I felt that it was an exciting time for the two of you and I felt that if I came in and shared my decision it would take away much of the excitement.

It should have taken away your right to call yourself a doctor.

That was my mistake.

Boy howdy! D’ya think?

I should not have made that assumption and I apologize for that. I should have spoken with you directly that day. You were always welcome at the office and I assumed that you would continue coming to our office with Dr. Karam. Please know that I believe that God gives us free choice and I would never judge anyone based on what they do with that free choice.

In other words, being gay is a choice and I won’t judge you for it, except that I just. fucking. did

Dr. Roi, you’ve been duped by a bunch of charlatans into thinking Jesus doesn’t approve of same-sex love. You’ve got no standard of evidence for what you will believe and you, a seemingly otherwise decent person, has been led to behave in an abhorrent and inexcusable way because some douchebag in a robe told you Jeeby hates the gays.

What would you do, Dr. Roi, if you were an ER doctor and Bay came in with her moms requiring emergency life-saving care? Would you still turn her away?

Religious freedom is the freedom to practice your religion without discrimination. Hating people is not practicing your religion. I know plenty of Christians who would never even think of behaving this way, and yet, they are still Christian!

You took an oath, as a doctor, to treat people, ease their pain and never cause harm. You’ve pissed on that oath, to the dismay of doctors the world over. If I had the authority, I would strip you of your right to call yourself a doctor. Heck, I’d take away your right to identify as human, because frankly, no decent human being could look at a newborn, innocent baby girl who does not get to choose how she enters the world and say, “Nah. She ain’t worth angering the Jeebs.”

Not even a child comes before Christ…. and you wonder why atheists like me stay the fuck away.

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