Guest Post: The Ridiculous Truth About God And Graven Images

Hagea Sophia Nicea

This is a guest post from Andy, better known as @virtualatheist on Twitter. Be sure to follow him, as he often posts informative and well-written pieces on his own blog, virtualatheist.com.

I’m sure that many of you know about the Council of Nicea that took place in AD 325, where the leaders of the early Christian church took it upon themselves to, you know, decide for their god what he actually meant when he said stuff.

After all, being all omnipotent, omniscient and omni-benevolent, he was clearly a thickie who didn’t play well with others and had difficulty communicating. Sort of like a poster boy for Autism.

Therefore, he needed a few old blokes in dresses to decide the point he was trying to make. After all, it’s not like his word was immutable or anything.

But did you know that there was another Council of Nicea held in AD 787.

Well, I say it was the second… Actually it was more like the 7th committee that had convened to put words into God’s mouth for him, but that’s beside the point.

One of the things they had a bit of a gossip about was Iconoclasm. Basically the prohibition against the use of religious symbols and icons.

You know, graven images, idols and icons, like it says in the Bible straight from the flapping gums of Gandalf his most holy self:

You shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them – Exodus 20:3-5

Look, look! It’s in the Bible so it must be the true and unadulterated word of the Great Sky Daddy and therefore beyond reproach or argument.

Clearly then, the Council must have convened in order to work out whether to use the Choke-Pear or the Judas Cradle against anyone who made or worshiped such horrible stuff. After all, we know how much the Christian church loves the use of terminal BDSM techniques to get their point across.

At least, you’d think so… But no! The Council convened to debate the following:

First Session (September 24, 787) — Three bishops, Basilius of Ancyra, Theodore of Myra, and Theodosius of Amorium begged for pardon for the heresy of iconoclasm.

Second Session (September 26, 787) — Papal legates read the letters of Pope Hadrian I asking for agreement with veneration of images, to which question the bishops of the council answered: “We follow, we receive, we admit”.

Third Session (September 28, 787) — Other bishops having made their abjuration, were received into the council.

Fourth Session (October 1, 787) — Proof of the lawfulness of the veneration of icons was drawn from Exodus 25:19 sqq.; Numbers 7:89; Hebrews 9:5 sqq.; Ezekiel 41:18, and Genesis 31:34, but especially from a series of passages of the Church Fathers;[1] the authority of the latter was decisive.

Fifth Session (October 4, 787) — It was claimed that the iconoclast heresy came originally from Jews, Saracens, and Manicheans.

Sixth Session (October 6, 787) — The definition of the pseudo-Seventh council (754) was read and condemned.

Really? Mortal men looking to do a complete 180 on what their own deity had specifically denounced an adding a bit of revisionist history into the mix as well.

And if in doubt, blame the Jews.

I mean, we all know that the church has a downer on heathen religious symbols, the Star of David, Islamic imagery, Buster Bloodvessel… I mean Buddha and all the rest.

Did not Moses himself throw a massive pissy because of a certain gold calf?

But re-examine what it says in Exodus…

You shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them – Exodus 20:3-5

See that? No images of anything, from anywhere, ever!

No paintings, no statues, no carvings, no sculptures… Nothing! You do realise that this includes electronic images too? No photographs, no cinema, no telly.

Fuck! Wouldn’t the Internet be loads of fun if it was constrained by biblical law? At least there’d be no Creation Today videos, so there is a silver lining.

But the problem with that is, if you have no visual symbols with which to impress the masses, it could make keeping the dirty riff-raff in line. So what to do?

I know. Directly contradict hundreds of years of your own religion and change the goalposts so that actually, yes, idols and icons are allowed after all. So, all you huddled masses, get your hands in your pockets, these lovely things won’t pay for themselves.

Things like this:

Da Vinci’s Last Supper

And this:

Stained glass window

Ooh and these:

Graven images

All of which are prohibited in your own fucking bible!

And before anyone spouts about Old Testament being superseded by the New Testament, ahem:

29 Being therefore the offspring of God, we must not suppose the divinity to be like unto gold, or silver, or stone, the graving of art, and device of man. 30 And God indeed having winked at the times of this ignorance, now declareth unto men, that all should every where do penance. (Acts 17:29-30)

I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised, all and I do mean all of the major religions have a history of changing their own dogma to suit themselves. If they didn’t then there would have been no need for any of these councils to have convened.

Revisionist history, you know it makes sense. After all, the 2nd Council of Nicea is directly responsible for Internet porn, so swings and roundabouts, eh?

This has been a guest post from Andy, better known as @virtualatheist on Twitter. Be sure to follow him, as he often posts informative and well-written pieces on his own blog, virtualatheist.com. If you want to be a guest blogger on Godlessmom.com, please click here. 

#bible #submission