Atheists, Is It Time We Ease Up On Our Persecution of Christians?

You can’t really get out of bed anymore without hearing piles of Jeebots insist they are being persecuted all over the world. Writhing together like swarms of morons, they cry, “Why did you kick God out of school?” and “We’re an oppressed minority!”.

Sure, they are in actual fact, the vast majority in the USA and many other countries. Sure there are more churches than schools in many places. Nevermind that Christ-lovers can freely marry, have never been forced to sit at the back of the bus, and can (and do) run for office in every state. Never mind any of that. Facts are just Satan’s little tricks trying to distract you from the grace of God.

So maybe it’s time to lay off, hey atheists? We may not have the numbers, nor the power, nor the resources, nor the support, but dammnit, our little voices are hurting the jeebots!

Need examples? Luckily a perpetually knocked up Catholic Canadian mama of 8 who burns condoms on sight, has compiled us a list of all the ways we atheists are stepping on their god-gazing toes.

Here’s her list.

1. On April 28, 2014, the Canadian Senate passed Bill C-250 which adds “sexual orientation” to the list of classes that the Canadian Criminal Code protects under its hate provisions. With this provision in place, how long will it be before Canadian Christians who oppose gay “marriage” are prosecuted for their defense of traditional marriage between one man and one woman?

Catholics be like…

Do you fucking understand what the hate provision is for, you moronic uberbreeder? It’s not to stop people from opposing things, it’s to stop people from bullying, or becoming violent towards people in the name of that opposition. Canada is a free country, where it is your right to have the opinions you do, much to my fucking heathen dismay. But once you act on said opinions, you face the consequences, just like everyone else. No one is going to outlaw what you think or your right to defend it out loud. Even if you insist on crying and whining like a child about losing rights that you clearly still have and are clearly not being threatened. Jesus Christ on a John Deere, you are a mother of eight. Pull up your whiny britches and act like one!

2. Pro-life candidates need not apply to the Liberal Party is the message from Federal Liberal Party leader, Justin Trudeau. With his words of intolerance, he has further silenced the political voice of pro-life Canadians.

It’s his fucking party! If he wants to only accept pro-polygamists, anti-medicinists or historical revisionists, it’s his right! You have your Conservatives. Promoting politician-controlled-uteri is what that steaming pile of fucktardery is for! Being fucktarded! Jesus! No holy.

3. Loyola High School in Quebec appealed to the Supreme Court of Canada seeking the right to teach the mandatory Ethics and Religious Culture (ERC) course from a Catholic perspective. The province of Quebec has mandated that Catholic schools are required to teach ERC from a neutral (secular) point of view, without a Catholic moral perspective.

You are in Canada. Canada, is what we liked to call a “developed country”. Developed countries try to value education. Part of promoting that value, is what is called a “curriculum”. A curriculum is a nation or province-wide standard by which we know what to teach our kids so that they don’t turn out like you: a fucking moronic Easy Bake oven for children. If you don’t like the curriculum, perhaps you should move to a country where they are more flexible in which voodoo is okay to teach children. I hear Guatamala and East Timor are big on the Jeeby-schools. Off you go now, tut tut!

4. Sister Jane Dominic Laurel, a Dominican nun, came under attack because of a talk she gave at Charlotte Catholic High School. Her presentation was based on St. John-Paul II’s Theology of the Body but many of the students and their parents were of the opinion that it was homophobic.

Of the opinion? It’s fact it was homophobic. Sister Jane-Just-The-Tip told children that ringing their own rosary will make them gay and that gay parents are abusive parents. How is that not homophobic? That’s like, THE most homophobic shit ever said. Not just homophobic, but abusive toward the teens she was talking to. You’re obviously no stranger to the pleasures of the flesh, being as your womb is a fucking nursery for half of Canada. I’m sure you’re well aware of the fact that people will jill- and jack-off to their hearts content, no matter what godly laws you spew. To tell kids that doing something you’re sure they’re going to do, will turn them gay, makes you fucking wicked and any god that condones that can go bury his tongue in a donkey’s ass.

5. In non-Christian countries, persecution of Christians regularly results in loss of livelihood and property, forced conversions, and death. Jihad rebels terrorized the ancient Christian village of Ma’loula, Syria, forcing residents to convert to Islam. Some of those who refused were crucified; others were subjected to beheadings, rapes, infanticide and other barbaric acts.

These things are not happening because the people are Christian, mama sperm bank, they are happening because those people are not Muslim. Atheists, Hindus, Buddhists, and Jews die in the very same offensives. You can’t take this horrific act, done in the name of God, and make it all about you. Didn’t Jeebus ever tell you that being self-centered and arrogant is not very goddamned christ-like, no holy?

Done with her list, rapid-fire-vagina goes on to piss and moan a bit more.

In a world that is increasingly anti-Christian, there will be those who steadfastly refuse to buckle to the diabolical forces that continue to grow in strength.

Here, elastitwat, are some simple ways you can make sure no one wants to be anti-Christian:

1. When new facts are discovered, accept them and change your world view accordingly. You don’t have to kick Jesus to the curb to do this. 2. Stop acting as if your own opinions are suffice enough to change laws. There are all sorts of different people that make up Canada – why should our laws reflect Catholic values? 3. Quit taking offense to other people leaving their faith, or refusing to ever believe in the first place. If your faith is strong enough, it should not be threatened by my lack thereof. 4. Act the way you would describe Jesus. Accept everyone, do not cast judgment, help the people you can, and just generally speaking, don’t be a fucking cunt. 5. Don’t abuse your children by forcing them to fear eternal damnation, or to feel shame when they act in very normal human ways. They may be your children, but they’re our future and fuck if I’m gonna sit by and watch you build sexually repressed, shameful, fearful, and guilt-ridden monsters.

So, there you have it, Motel Fallopia: some very simple ways to ensure the big, bad, atheist wolf doesn’t keep squashing you with reason, compassion and true morality.

Think about it, and off you go. Boobie buffet ain’t gonna pump itself.

#catholicism #humour