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  • Writer's pictureCourtney Heard

Atheist Absurdities: Yes, This Man Is Actually Free To Roam Without His Big Boy Pants

Welcome to the Carnival, heretics. I barely survived this one.

What I’ve just read was such an assault on my mind, that I actually had to take a break while writing what follows so as not to actually contract the stupid seeping from this Fox Nation article by Ben Carson.

Ben Carson is not only a grade A skeeball prize, he should be in fucking solitary at Sing Sing. The man is not well, not in any sense of the word.

Ben’s horseshit tirade about the military removing Bibles from their hotel rooms by request of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, begins with, “The First Amendment guarantees freedom of religion, not from it.

Which is wrong on so many levels, but becomes even more absurd when you take into consideration the rest of the sludge he’s written to follow. Before we jump into that muddy waste, though, let’s take a look at why this statement by itself makes less sense than a 69 between Snoop Dogg and Martha fucking Stewart. Sure, they’re both convicted felons with notable prison bits under their belt, but chocolate street cred and vanilla housewife is not a recipe for a Good Thing, let’s face it.

The assertion by our holy halfwit, that the first amendment refers to freedom of religion and not freedom from religion just contradicts itself. You cannot have freedom of religion without the freedom to be without it. Otherwise it’s not freedom. If Americans are not entitled to the freedom to be without religion, then essentially they are being forced to choose a religion. That’s not freedom, like most things red state Americans like to assure the rest of the world are. It’s freedom about as much as date rape is.

But then Amen Ben hurdles himself right into this brutal paragraph, completely cancelling out his initial statement:

The surprise is not the hypocritical stance of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, but rather the fact that an established bulwark of American strength and patriotism caved to a self-serving group of religious fanatics. The previous sentence may seem out of place if you don’t realize that atheism is actually a religion.

I see, Mr. Carson. Atheism is a religion, and yet you were compelled to begin this post with your cretinous bit about the First Amendment. You see, ass taxi, if you wanted your statement about the First Amendment not including freedom from religion to stay consistent with your argument, well then, you would have had to maintain that atheism is not a religion. You see? You see how it makes no sense to even mention the first amendment there, if you believe atheism to be a religion?

Or perhaps it’s because, douche canoe, you think “freedom of religion” means “freedom to follow the religion I want you to”. That sounds more in line with red state “freedom”.

I thought it was totally adorable as well when this fuckmuppet wrote that atheism is a religion, but followed it up with no evidence or reasoning for why he thinks that way. Way to go, typical fucking jeebot, on being able to write a coherent thought out. Way. To fucking. Go.

As if we have not had to cover this enough here on Godless Mom, atheism is not a religion. There are no beliefs. No tradition. It’s a response to a single claim.

“There is a God”

“How do you know?”

“Tingle in my nipple”

“I don’t believe you. Please provide more evidence.”

That’s what atheism is. It’s so simple. In fact, the inability to grasp its simplicity, makes you appear so stupid that you couldn’t win a debate about what comes first, 1 or 2, with a fucking cow patty.

Like traditional religions, atheism requires strong conviction. In the case of atheists, it’s the belief that there is no God and that all things can be proved by science.

I never get tired of hearing a good holy roller explanation of what atheism is. I could write a fucking book about them. This one is nowhere near the most humourous I’ve ever read, which is understandable given Benny’s intellectual shortcomings, but it’s still pretty fucking precious.

No, Ben, darling, atheism’s sole requirement is no belief in god. Do you see anywhere in the above dialogue, where the atheist in the conversation assured the theist that there was no god? No. You didn’t. Do you know why, sweet bibliophobe? Have you any clue at all? It’s because atheists do not assert that there is no god. We simply do not believe in one based on lack of evidence. Sure, some atheists will tell you they’re darned near sure there’s no god, and I happen to be one of them, but we all still hold to the possibility that it could one day be proven to be so, and we would all be willing to accept the existence of god as fact when we’re provided with enough evidence that is testable, demonstrable, repeatable and verified.

Atheists also do not believe that all things can be proved by science. What we believe is that science holds the potential to explain all things. We are nowhere near having reached that potential, though, and as such, an atheist subscribes to the idea that there will always be more to know, more evidence to include in your world view, and more reasons to change your mind about anything and everything for as long as science is being conducted. We are open to learning new things and adjusting our stance on certain topics based on that new knowledge. Theists, on the other hand, balk in the face of good evidence and refuse to accept anything that may conflict with their absurdly held beliefs that are not backed up with any sort of evidence at all. That’s the nice way of saying it, but between you and I and the rest of the internet, I like to call that fucking insanity.

It is extremely hypocritical of the foundation to request the removal of Bibles from hotel rooms on the basis of their contention that the presence of Bibles indicates that the government is choosing one religion over another. If they really thought about it, they would realize that removal of religious materials imposes their religion on everyone else.

Clearly, Ben, your helmet was too tight when you wrote this, because no matter how much you insist on it, the absence of something, does not equal the presence of something. When nothing is there, it is nothing. No statement is being made. Saying that having no holy book in a hotel room is pushing atheism on people is like saying a restaurant with no beer on the menu is trying to stop everyone from drinking beer, anywhere.

This is like saying there shouldn’t be certain brands of bottled water in hotel rooms because there may be guests who prefer a different type of water or are offended by bottled water and think everybody should be drinking tap water.

No, fap-mapper, it’s not at all like that. One is an inconsequential brand of water that does not require you to adhere to a certain way of life, and the other is dogma and indoctrination that is being paid for by a government institution, directly violating your first amendment rights and the very principles your country was founded on, to the envy of most of the world. To shit on the Treaty of Tripoli and the first amendment is to shit on your own goddamned flag, no holy.

We need to distribute “big boy” pants to help the whiners learn to focus their energy in a productive way.

It’s odd you say this after a tantrum about having a government institution cease promoting your religion over all others. I suppose your big boy pants are still in mommy’s washing machine.

We must also go back and read the Constitution, including the First Amendment, which guarantees freedom of religion. It says nothing about freedom from religion, and in fact, if you consider the context and the lives of those involved in the crafting of our founding documents, it is apparent that they believed in allowing their faith to guide their lives.

Ahh, so now we’re back to atheism not being a religion. You keep saying the first amendment is not freedom from religion, and then asserting atheism is a religion. Which is it, pulpit-pumper, a religion or not?

The problem with the Zen of Ben, here, is that it’s built on misinformation. It’s almost as though he went all fucking Descartes on our asses, and climbed into an oven for 3 days to come up with the altered meanings and strange interpretations he apparently holds quite close to his jock. Descartes emerged with, “I think, therefore I am” and actually contributed something to the world, whereas Mr. Carson here clearly left the oven on and scorched his wet wear, emerging with absolutely no understanding of the American constitution, the secular ideas his country was founded on or what an atheist actually is.

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