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  • Writer's pictureCourtney Heard

At Least Now We Know America Is Being Trolled

I’m a skeptic, folks. You know this about me. There are two types of skeptics, though. The first is the type that is skeptical about god claims but swallows, hook, line and sinker, just about everything else fed to them so long as it goes along with their comfort zone narrative. The other is the sort of skeptic that says, “now wait just a goddamned minute” at anything that is claimed without evidence. I am the latter sort of skeptic. It takes a lot for me to believe something. While that doesn’t mean I haven’t been fooled – I totally have – it means I don’t just buy shit at face value. Momma needs the good shit, kids. She wants that good, old, satisfying evidence.

Donald Trump

That’s why, when I woke up this morning to hear Melania Trump’s speech was plagiarized and ended with the most epic Rickroll in history, my fucking spidey senses went batshit crazy.

Hold the fuck up, I thought. Can this be real? Can a candidate running for the highest office on the planet, with his billions of dollars and endless resources, actually have let a plagiarized speech slip through the cracks of his campaign? And not just any speech, but that of the current First Lady, Michelle Obama, when she, in the exact same position Melania is in, addressed the DNC before her husband ran for leader of the free world? How is this possible? How is it possible that one of the most scrutinized and picked apart campaigns in American history overlooked this? How is it possible that Melania’s speech wasn’t reviewed with a fine-tooth comb by multiple speech writers and editors? How is it that no one on staff knew what a rickroll was, and felt it perfectly acceptable to end her speech with the one act that is most synonymous across the globe, with trolling?

This is the race to determine the Commander in Chief of the most weaponized and war-ready country on the planet. It will put a real person in the driver’s seat of a country that, whether they or we like it or not, affects every living human on earth. While a sitting president may not, alone, have the power to launch a nuclear attack, he certainly has the power to provoke: just imagine a world in which Trump is sitting behind his POTUS podium calling Putin a loser or Xi Jinping a nerd. Is this a safe world, or is this a world that is constantly on edge with the threat of World War Three looming over them?

I ask again, then, how is it possible that a man running for a position with this much global power, could possibly have overlooked speech plagiarism and a rickroll?

He couldn’t. It’s not possible. I am skeptical this is real. At this point, I’d sooner believe in God.

If we accept that this could not possibly have been an accident, we’re left with three options:

  1. There’s a bad seed or bad seeds in the Trump campaign who formulated a plan to make the campaign look foolish. In order to believe this option, though, we have to believe that either the entire speech writing and editing staff is involved or that this speech and the rickroll simply slipped through the fingers of, what we can only assume, are some of the most respected and highest achieving speech writers and editors on the planet. Yeah. I doubt either of those scenarios.

  2. Clinton and Trump have conspired, with the ultimate goal of making this a landslide victory for Hillary. Again, this is far-fetched, because if anyone, ever, ended up proving it, these two would be in more trouble than a busty Brunette in the studio audience of the Cosby show.

  3. You’re being trolled, America. Donald Trump had no intention of accepting any political office, and was putting on this wild and absurd show to prove to the world what a fucking joke American politics are. He’s self-sabotaging to see just how far he can take this before the country cries out, “You’re fired!”. I don’t think he predicted it would last this long, having given more credit to the Republican Party than they, apparently, deserve. The scariest part, I think we know now, is that he’s willing to take it all the way, and I think it’s just to see if he can.

The third option here feels the most plausible to me. I think you have a man who set out to see how far he could go and had no idea it would get anywhere near where it has. I think he goes home at night absolutely dumbfounded at how far he’s been able to take this charade, and he and his pack of paid trolls talk until they find a more blatant way to push the envelope. “That’s a terrific idea!” He’ll exclaim when they come up with a stunt more ridiculous than the last. “Surely they’ll catch on if we do that!”. But Trump’s crazy train just keeps chugging along.

The question is, does the American public deserve more credit than the Republican Party? Will they allow a President Trump? I guess we all just wait, trembling with fear, and see.

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