• Courtney Heard

There Are Zero Valid Arguments For Not Getting Vaccinated Against Covid-19

Idiot anti-vaxxers waiting for their Herman Cain award

Read this post in: German

As Megan Alexandra Blankenbiller lay in the hospital dying, she could hear the deep, guttural moaning of people learning that their loved ones had passed. A literal Hell on earth, she spent her last days there making videos on TikTok, breathlessly pleading with viewers not to make the same mistake she did. She begged them to get vaccinated against covid-19.

Megan died from complications of covid-19 nine days after she uploaded this video.

Megan’s is one of the thousands of stories popping up as the fourth wave rips through North America. Everywhere you turn online, there’s another headline about an anti-vaxxer dying from covid. A new subreddit called The Herman Cain Award has been exploding with instances of anti-vax individuals “receiving their reward,” which is to say, succumbing to this preventable virus.

So why do we still have people opposed to a vaccine proven effective in preventing all of this? Why are people still in such denial about the single, solitary way out of this pandemic?

Here are the reasons they give and why these reasons are wrong:

“It’s an Experimental Vaccine”

mRNA is indeed a new technology, but it’s not as new as you think. mRNA is as old as Linda Ronstadt’s Don’t Know Much, Skid Row’s 18 and Life, and the B52’s Love Shack (you know, the little old place where we can get together). mRNA technology is only twelve years younger than me, and you guys, I am bloody old.

Don’t take my word for it, though. After all, you are a freethinker, and you like to “do your own research.” Here are some important papers. With dates. Whip out your abacus, kids, because these dates aren’t just going to tell you how old GM is; they indicate just how long ago we began studying mRNA tech:

mRNA in 1989:

mRNA in the 90s:

mRNA in 2014:

mRNA tested in 2017:

mRNA in 2018:

These studies are important because mRNA vaccines are a sort of “plug and play” vaccine, which means we had already developed the mRNA technology before the Covid-19 pandemic. All we needed to create a vaccine for the current pandemic was to “plug in” the information for this specific virus. The components had already been built, put together and tested in clinical trials for rabies, Zika and other ailments. The only difference was that the covid mRNA vaccine had information on fighting off covid rather than rabies or Zika.

What’s more, all of the covid vaccines approved for use in the USA and Canada went through all standard trials. No part of this phase was skipped or sped up.

Pfizer completed all 3 phases of trials:

AstraZeneca completed all 3 phases of trials:

Moderna completed all 3 phases of trials:

Contrary to widespread misinformation, the animal trial phase of vaccine testing was also not skipped.

Moderna was tested on mice:

Pfizer was tested on rhesus monkeys:

AstraZeneca was tested on monkeys:

There is nothing experimental about any of the covid vaccines. All of them completed all three standard phases of trials. All were tested on animals. We’ve been collecting even more data over the last ten months while administering 6.2 billion doses worldwide.

There is more data backing these vaccines than any other vaccine ever developed. There is more data supporting the efficacy and safety of the covid vaccines than there is for most medicines, foods and ingredients you put in your body willingly daily.

Covid vaccines are not experimental

“I Don’t Know What’s In The Vaccine”

Even though you don’t know what’s in most of what you consume every day, I’ll humour you. It’s incredibly hypocritical to knock back a Bud Light and a 9-piece McNuggy and then insist you won’t get the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it, but this is life and death so let’s knock this one down, shall we?

The thing about life in 2021 is that we have the entirety of human knowledge at our fingertips. That means that we can all find out what’s in the vaccines easily. When this very point came up with a family member who was hesitant to get vaccinated, it took me half a second to find the answer. Hell, with my Google-Fu, it may have even been a quarter. In any case, here are the big scary ingredients you’re so fucking worried about.

The ingredients of the mRNA vaccine are:

  • mRNA (30 micrograms) - you already have RNA present in your body; this is no different except for one thing: the RNA in the vaccine carries a message telling your body how to create the covid spike protein, triggering an immune response. Like a military drill, this is a dry run, getting your immune system prepared for the real thing.

  • Lipids (less than a milligram) - these are already present in your body, a naturally occurring fat.

  • Polyethylene Glycol (.05 mg) - a fat, a minute amount, a mere fraction of the amount present in laxatives and products like Pepto Bismal.

  • Cholesterol (0.2 mg) - we all know what this is! You get more of it in your eggs.

  • Potassium Chloride (0.01mg) - literally potassium salt, it's what we use to treat low blood potassium, and it's been deemed one of the world's most essential medicines.

  • Monobasic Potassium Phosphate - 0.01mg of this too. It's a salt. If you've ever had Gatorade, you’ve drunk a thousand times this amount.

  • Sodium Chloride (0.36mg) - I'm hoping we all know this is the chemical name for salt, yes, even sea salt and pink Himalayan salt and grey salt and all those fancy salts the hippies love.

  • Dibasic Sodium Phosphate Dihydrate -(0.07mg) another salt present in vastly larger quantities in cream of wheat, Jell-o and chocolate bars!

  • Sucrose (6 mg) - sugar.

But don’t take my word for it, Jim Bob, here is the ingredient list from Pfizer:

Do you know what these vaccines don’t have? Microchips, magnetized particles, or anything that can alter your DNA. They certainly aren’t made with mystery meat pink slime. For that, you gotta order your nuggies from Don-Don’s.

Covid vaccine ingredients

“My Immune System Works Fine”

This statement is what we like to call “telling on ourselves.” It can be loosely translated to, “I have absolutely no idea how a vaccine is supposed to work at all, in any way, shape, or form and when people have tried explaining it to me—because in a pandemic, you know they have—I shove my idiot fingers into my idiot ears and refuse to hear it.”

Of course your immune system works. That’s what the vaccine needs.

Think of it this way: let’s imagine Rick Grimes living in the post-zombie apocalypse hellscape that is Georgia. He’s got stuff (maybe even things) to protect, stuff he cares about, right? His kids, his wife, his friends, the homestead he’s trying to rebuild. He’d do anything to protect those things, but in the years following the apocalypse, the walkers kind of took a back seat as the biggest threat to Rick and his family. Instead, the most significant danger became other humans, who were also trying to survive in an accursed post-apocalyptic countryside. Necessities are scarce. Food, medicine, gear, all of it is scrounged for, cultivated, built by hand. As such, different groups of humans find themselves at odds, trying to take what they can from whomever they can just to live to see another day. The biggest threat to Rick and his family are the humans on the other side of the gate, trying to take the carrots he spent all summer tending to or the penicillin they looted from a nearby doctor’s office. These assholes won’t think twice before storming the doors of the Grimes compound, killing everything in their way, from livestock to grandma and the kids. Rick knows because he’s fought them off before. He’s a badass, and there’s no doubt. Mr. Grimes routinely leads his men into battle, fighting off the rogue gangs of apocalypse-jaded raiders. He comes home bloodied and tired, but he’s still standing. That tough motherfucker is still breathing.


At some point, though, Rick decides he needs some scouts. He needs people to take turns roaming the lands outside the compound, collecting intel on other groups that could threaten to breach Chez Grimes’s walls. One night, one of Rick’s buddies is killed while on patrol. It was dark, but the other men patrolling the area saw a herd of zombies. What was different about it, though, was that they seemed to be communicating with each other. Whispering. In English. It dawned on the surviving scouts that this was no herd of walkers. Instead, it was another vicious gang of hungry marauders who had found a new way to travel the landscape undetected. It looked like they were heavily armed and headed for the compound.

Now, we’ve covered that Rick is capable and has fought off many roving gangs before this one. He’s in good shape, with no injuries or illnesses to of which to speak. But here are the million-dollar questions:

Do you think Rick’s scouts should come back to tell Rick about the whisperers? Is it in Rick’s best interest to learn, before there is ever any invasion, that there is a new threat in town and how to identify them? Do you think it would give Rick and his family a higher chance of survival if Rick were warned about the looming threat and given vital details that will help him prepare for their invasion? Do you think it improves the likelihood that the compound comes out of the conflict relatively unscathed?

Now imagine Rick is your immune system. The whisperers are a virus. The scouts carrying critical intel on how to fight off invaders? Those are vaccines.

Of course your immune system works great; no one is questioning that. Vaccines heavily rely on the fact that your immune system works great to be effective. A vaccine is sent to deliver critical intel to your immune system, giving it a head start in fighting off the virus in question. Why would any sane person turn away a head start at fighting off potentially life-threatening invaders?

We already know, not even badass Rick Grimes would turn it down.

The covid vaccines work with your immune system

“But There Have Been 14,000 Deaths From Vaccines Reported to VAERS in 2021”

Ahhh, my favourite argument against vaccines. It’s so bloody easy to highlight how the person using this data is cherry-picking the information they share with you and has no interest at all in the information that disproves their position. It’s easy because right there, on the VAERS website, they explain this data. Right next to the data. Anti-vaxxers ignore the explanation of the data, though, and use the big numbers to scare you out of life-saving preventative medicine. This argument alone should be enough to understand that anti-vaxxers aren’t concerned with your health and safety; they are solely concerned with convincing. Let’s jump into this a little deeper, so you get what I’m saying, shall we?

First of all, VAERS stands for Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System. It is a self-reporting tool. Right there on the website is a form so you can add a report yourself: report to VAERS. Understand what this means: I can go to this page, fill out the form with a story about how the vaccine caused the growth of a single horn in my forehead, click submit, and my report will be added to the total number of Vaccine Adverse Events reported in 2021. I happen to know that one of the vaccine adverse events reported to VAERS was from a man who said a vaccine had turned him into the Incredible Hulk.


VAERS is a reporting tool open to the entire world despite collecting data in the United States. Anyone can submit any story, and it’s automatically added to the numbers you keep using to scare people away from life-saving vaccines. What’s more, the deaths reported to VAERS result from a federal policy requiring physicians to report any death at all that happens after a covid vaccine to VAERS. Any death. That includes deaths from sky-diving accidents and choking on fried chicken. It includes deaths from cancer and heart disease, deaths from suicide and overdose. It even contains deaths from covid. None of those deaths have been verified as caused by a vaccine. Most of them aren’t even suspected to be linked to any vaccine. Most of them are understood to have been caused by something else entirely.

Don’t take my word for it, though. It’s right there on the website you find truthful enough to share data from and had you done any actual reading on the numbers you were spewing, you’d already know this. Check this page, it says:

Healthcare providers are required to report to VAERS the following adverse events after COVID-19 vaccination [under Emergency Use Authorization (EUA)], and other adverse events if later revised by CDC:

  • Vaccine administration errors, whether or not associated with an adverse event (AE)

  • Serious AEs regardless of causality. Serious AEs per FDA are defined as:

  • Death;

  • A life-threatening AE;

  • Inpatient hospitalization or prolongation of existing hospitalization;

  • A persistent or significant incapacity or substantial disruption of the ability to conduct normal life functions;

  • A congenital anomaly/birth defect;

  • An important medical event that based on appropriate medical judgement may jeopardize the individual and may require medical or surgical intervention to prevent one of the outcomes listed above.

The key phrase here is regardless of causality. It doesn’t matter what the cause of the death is or the cause of the adverse event. You are required to report it. If someone breaks their neck and dies skiing after getting the vaccine, that counts as one death in the 14,000 reported to VAERS in 2021. Suppose someone falls into a vat of acid during a shootout with international jewel thieves in an abandoned factory. In that case, this death must be reported to VAERS by law, even though it was clearly caused by a high-risk Bond-Esque lifestyle and not the vaccine.

Also, from the VAERS website, the very same website you got that 14,000 figure, is written this,

“A report to VAERS generally does not prove that the identified vaccine(s) caused the adverse event described. It only confirms that the reported event occurred sometime after vaccine was given. No proof that the event was caused by the vaccine is required in order for VAERS to accept the report. VAERS accepts all reports without judging whether the event was caused by the vaccine.”

So, now that we understand what VAERS is, and we know the information on how to interpret the data is freely accessible on the website, I have no choice but to ask why you glossed over that part of your source while freely distributing numbers that scare people out of getting a shot that could save their lives? Why would you be so willing to share this data but not the critical disclaimers on interpreting the data? You had to have known about it, right? You’re the one always going on and on about “doing your own research,” so clearly, you read these essential parts of the VAERS website before sharing the data, right? You did the research, right? So why leave out those details? Because you’re cherry-picking, like any televangelist on your set trying to weasel you out of your money with carefully selected Bible verses. You’re sharing the big scary numbers without sharing what those big, alarming numbers represent. This tactic proves your dishonesty and renders any future argument you give against vaccines null and void because you can’t be trusted to provide us with all the information, only the bits that support your demented and murderous position. This argument alone outs you as a liar and killer. Your willingness to conveniently leave out key details may lead to the unnecessary deaths of the people to whom you speak.

And yet, you seem to believe your position on vaccines is deserving of respect and equivalent to my position. You literally want to freedom to kill people and think that deserves respect.

VAERS data is not proof of deaths caused by covid vaccines

“It Doesn’t Even Protect You From Getting Sick”

A vaccine is not a force field. We’re fighting a virus, not Romulans. The vaccine is not designed to stop you from getting infected, though it does reduce your chances of that. It’s intended to give your immune system the information it needs to fight the virus off before you experience severe symptoms, hospitalization or death. It’s developed to save you some pain and maybe even your life when you do catch covid.

Some data out of my home province, for your consideration:

  • Unvaccinated people are 12 times more likely to catch covid than fully vaccinated people

  • The unvaxxed are 34 times more likely to require hospitalization than fully vaxxed folks

  • The unvaccinated are eight times more likely to die from covid than fully vaccinated people

So yeah, even though I can still catch covid and still get sick from it, I’d rather those increased odds that I don’t get severely ill, require hospitalization or die from it. I don’t want to get covid at all, but if I do, I like that head start giving me an edge in beating it, and I honestly cannot wrap my mind around why anyone wouldn’t.

The covid vaccine doesn't stop you from getting sick

“Vaccinated People Are Just As Likely To Spread Covid As Unvaccinated People”

It blows my mind that anyone could repeat this without a simple Google search to verify that it’s true because it’s about as true as Neil Gaiman’s masterpiece, American Gods, which is to say, of course, that it is not true at all.