• Courtney Heard

There Are Zero Valid Arguments For Not Getting Vaccinated Against Covid-19

Idiot anti-vaxxers waiting for their Herman Cain award

Read this post in: German

As Megan Alexandra Blankenbiller lay in the hospital dying, she could hear the deep, guttural moaning of people learning that their loved ones had passed. A literal Hell on earth, she spent her last days there making videos on TikTok, breathlessly pleading with viewers not to make the same mistake she did. She begged them to get vaccinated against covid-19.

Megan died from complications of covid-19 nine days after she uploaded this video.

Megan’s is one of the thousands of stories popping up as the fourth wave rips through North America. Everywhere you turn online, there’s another headline about an anti-vaxxer dying from covid. A new subreddit called The Herman Cain Award has been exploding with instances of anti-vax individuals “receiving their reward,” which is to say, succumbing to this preventable virus.

So why do we still have people opposed to a vaccine proven effective in preventing all of this? Why are people still in such denial about the single, solitary way out of this pandemic?

Here are the reasons they give and why these reasons are wrong:

“It’s an Experimental Vaccine”

mRNA is indeed a new technology, but it’s not as new as you think. mRNA is as old as Linda Ronstadt’s Don’t Know Much, Skid Row’s 18 and Life, and the B52’s Love Shack (you know, the little old place where we can get together). mRNA technology is only twelve years younger than me, and you guys, I am bloody old.

Don’t take my word for it, though. After all, you are a freethinker, and you like to “do your own research.” Here are some important papers. With dates. Whip out your abacus, kids, because these dates aren’t just going to tell you how old GM is; they indicate just how long ago we began studying mRNA tech:

mRNA in 1989:

mRNA in the 90s:

mRNA in 2014:

mRNA tested in 2017:

mRNA in 2018:

These studies are important because mRNA vaccines are a sort of “plug and play” vaccine, which means we had already developed the mRNA technology before the Covid-19 pandemic. All we needed to create a vaccine for the current pandemic was to “plug in” the information for this specific virus. The components had already been built, put together and tested in clinical trials for rabies, Zika and other ailments. The only difference was that the covid mRNA vaccine had information on fighting off covid rather than rabies or Zika.

What’s more, all of the covid vaccines approved for use in the USA and Canada went through all standard trials. No part of this phase was skipped or sped up.

Pfizer completed all 3 phases of trials:

AstraZeneca completed all 3 phases of trials:

Moderna completed all 3 phases of trials:

Contrary to widespread misinformation, the animal trial phase of vaccine testing was also not skipped.

Moderna was tested on mice:

Pfizer was tested on rhesus monkeys:

AstraZeneca was tested on monkeys:

There is nothing experimental about any of the covid vaccines. All of them completed all three standard phases of trials. All were tested on animals. We’ve been collecting even more data over the last ten months while administering 6.2 billion doses worldwide.

There is more data backing these vaccines than any other vaccine ever developed. There is more data supporting the efficacy and safety of the covid vaccines than there is for most medicines, foods and ingredients you put in your body willingly daily.

Covid vaccines are not experimental

“I Don’t Know What’s In The Vaccine”

Even though you don’t know what’s in most of what you consume every day, I’ll humour you. It’s incredibly hypocritical to knock back a Bud Light and a 9-piece McNuggy and then insist you won’t get the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it, but this is life and death so let’s knock this one down, shall we?

The thing about life in 2021 is that we have the entirety of human knowledge at our fingertips. That means that we can all find out what’s in the vaccines easily. When this very point came up with a family member who was hesitant to get vaccinated, it took me half a second to find the answer. Hell, with my Google-Fu, it may have even been a quarter. In any case, here are the big scary ingredients you’re so fucking worried about.

The ingredients of the mRNA vaccine are:

  • mRNA (30 micrograms) - you already have RNA present in your body; this is no different except for one thing: the RNA in the vaccine carries a message telling your body how to create the covid spike protein, triggering an immune response. Like a military drill, this is a dry run, getting your immune system prepared for the real thing.

  • Lipids (less than a milligram) - these are already present in your body, a naturally occurring fat.

  • Polyethylene Glycol (.05 mg) - a fat, a minute amount, a mere fraction of the amount present in laxatives and products like Pepto Bismal.

  • Cholesterol (0.2 mg) - we all know what this is! You get more of it in your eggs.

  • Potassium Chloride (0.01mg) - literally potassium salt, it's what we use to treat low blood potassium, and it's been deemed one of the world's most essential medicines.

  • Monobasic Potassium Phosphate - 0.01mg of this too. It's a salt. If you've ever had Gatorade, you’ve drunk a thousand times this amount.

  • Sodium Chloride (0.36mg) - I'm hoping we all know this is the chemical name for salt, yes, even sea salt and pink Himalayan salt and grey salt and all those fancy salts the hippies love.

  • Dibasic Sodium Phosphate Dihydrate -(0.07mg) another salt present in vastly larger quantities in cream of wheat, Jell-o and chocolate bars!

  • Sucrose (6 mg) - sugar.

But don’t take my word for it, Jim Bob, here is the ingredient list from Pfizer:

Do you know what these vaccines don’t have? Microchips, magnetized particles, or anything that can alter your DNA. They certainly aren’t made with mystery meat pink slime. For that, you gotta order your nuggies from Don-Don’s.