Why I don’t debate the Bible

The other day a Twitter dingus tweeted at me, in what I thought was a genuine question in good faith, asking if I would like to debate the Bible with him. I didn’t even have to think about my answer. I said no. I directed him to Matt Dillahunty and Shannon Q because they are the pros and all I would muster up would likely be an enthusiastic, “nuh-uh!”

But why, GM? Why don’t you debate the Bible with believers?

The answer to this question has several tiers to it. It’s got layers like a proper tiramisu and also like my second-favourite Italian dessert, I see no reason why we shouldn't jump right in. Here are the reasons why I don’t flipping argue the Bible:

Your girl’s got shit to do.

I mean, obviously there are people out there who debate the Bible who also have shit to do, but often their shit to do is arguing the Bible. I don’t make my living at this, it’s not an income source for me, so I can’t really justify spending hours at a time arguing about one book, over and over. I’m a mom, I run a non-profit, I have a full-time job. Ain’t nobody with all that going on got time for Bible debates.

I don’t know it.

Sure, I read the Bible once during a magic mushroom trip that ended up giving me PTSD, but outside of that one time, it never played a part in my life. I never had to examine it and analyze it, not once did I have to memorize any part of it. I recall memorizing a monologue from Julius Caesar. It was a rant from Portia pleading with Brutus to just freaking talk to her already, but I’ve strayed from the point. Despite my poor, pathetic recital of Shakespeare monologues, I never had to recall one blessed word of holy scripture. I dunno shit about the Bible. Nor do I feel the need to know anything about it.

Now, before all the believers out there decide that I can’t dismiss the worldview Christianity asserts without examining the Bible and assessing its claims, let me assure you that what you’re saying is horseshit. I can dismiss the claims of Christianity with the very same ease that I might dismiss someone asserting that Shutterfly from My Little Pony is the one true God. I don’t need to study the My Little Pony Universe to dismiss the claim as absurd. Sorry, Pony lovers.

The Bible is nonsense.

Just like I wouldn’t waste my time debating whether or not Paw Patrol was prophetic, I’m not about to do the same with the Bible, which I see as equally nonsensical. Well, maybe not equally. I mean, if you think about it, dogs definitely communicate with us and they’d do about anything to rescue their loved ones. That makes Paw Patrol way more believable than a benevolent, omnipotent, all-knowing god who sends plagues, causes genocide, is okay with slavery and who communicates with us through burning bushes and the occasional appearance on toast. But that’s just my opinion.

It’s never been relevant for me.

I never had to find the holes in the story to dig my way out of indoctrination. I was lucky, I have incredible respect for people who had to do that. I know it’s not an easy thing to do, to tear down your entire worldview and to be brave enough to absorb new information. Exposing yourself to uncomfortable truths is terrifying. I just never had to do it with respect to the Bible. No one ever tried to make me believe the Bible was true. Not until I started writing this blog, anyway. I don’t debate the Bible because it’s irrelevant to me. Completely fucking irrelevant.

It legitimizes the claims, in a way.

Think about it for a second: we wouldn’t sit down and debate with someone who approached us in the grocery store and assured us that broccoli is from planet Gimlor and was sent to earth with trackers in it so that the Gimlorians could understand our poop habits. Why debate someone with an even more ridiculous claim that the god who made everything knocked up his own mom so he could sacrifice himself to himself to subvert a rule he put in place? Seems like a giant waste of time to me.

B-b-but GM! How will you prove to all the Christians that their worldview is false if you don’t debate the Bible?

My answer to that is simple: I won’t. I’m not here to change anyone’s mind about a damned thing. I am just here to provide a space for the godless to be their godless selves amongst like-minded people. Besides, I have, in the course of doing what I do, changed a few minds and I didn’t have to debate the Bible to do it.

So, tell me little ones, do you debate the Bible with believers? Why or why not? Let me know in the comments.

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