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  • Writer's pictureCourtney Heard

Follow Friday: The Jeeby Showdown

Nailed It

I follow Jesus. I know that’s the last thing you thought you’d read here on, but it’s time I told you the truth. I follow Jesus. In fact, I follow a few Jesuses and I think you should follow them, too. Check ’em out:

Hunky Gay Jesus – this son of god has a timeline that’s full of laughs and thought-provoking conversation. He lives up to the hype, too – he really is a kind, compassionate person just like the religibots would have you believe. I guarantee you will not regret following this fabulous Jesus: @HunkyGayJesus

That Hippie Jesus – if you ignore the Birkenstocks and the B.O. that his deodorant crystal does nothing for, this is the sort of guy you want to know. Sure, he consumes a lot of quinoa and seems hyper-focused on his chakras but his timeline is worth a laugh. This guy has a fantastic sense of humour. As he would say, so sayeth the lord. Follow him: @ThatHippieJesus

Atheist Jesus – In my mind, this guy has way too few followers. A Jesus that doubts the existence of his own dad deserves a following, so get on it and follow the Atheist Jesus: @jesus_athiest

So, be like me and follow these Jesuses and all will be right with the world. Happy Friday you goddamned blasphemers.

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