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  • Writer's pictureCourtney Heard

Atheist Life Hacks: 6 Different Styles Of Debating Theists

As Godless Dad always says, if you mess with the donkey, you get the ass.

When theists successfully draw me into debate, they awake a sleeping donkey, and often get the ass… but, they also get some other personalities. Check out my wardrobe of debating styles:

1. The Hippie Princess – When you catch me in this mood, you might find it comparable to running your fingers through Abbie Hoffman’s Yippie fur sweater. It’s warm, it’s fuzzy, and all it wants is peace. I break out tactics like calling you “brother” or “friend” and pepper the entire exchange with Mary Jane glazed happy emoticons. Theists generally walk away from this type of debate feeling somewhat violated, a little stoned, and less sure that atheists don’t know bliss.

The Hippie Princess:

@Hankin57 @virtuarat @ActivistDalek @TheWrittenMouth @TraceyJMax broken shackles, friend. — Godless Mom (@godless_mom) May 30, 2014

 2. The Annoying Little Sister – if you have have siblings, you’ve been hit with your own hand to a steady chant of, “stop hitting yourself!”. This, is one of the most effective ways of arguing a theist: turning their own arguments on themselves. What you’ll generally see when you do this, is a bunch of back peddling and sometimes apologizing and more scrambling than goes on at Denny’s on a Sunday morning. I can assure you, effectively use their own weapons against them, and they will walk away questioning literally everything they believe while swearing they are just as sure of it as they were yesterday. 

The Annoying Little Sister: 

Annoying little sister

3. The Righteous Gasbag – Sometimes, the moral high ground that theists like to occupy during god-centred debates, looks like it has much greener grass than this patch of scratchy brown straw us atheists are confined to. So, I throw something shiny in the other direction and mount that high ground while my opponent’s eyes twinkle with distraction. Then, I enable righteousness mode and come down hard on the guy (who is still thumbing a bit of tinfoil) faster than he can exclaim, “oh, boy!”.

The Righteous Gasbag:

Righteous Gasbag

4. The Defensive Loser – I can admit it, every once in a while, someone gets under my skin and I get my back up. It’s not a pretty sight, especially if you see me in real life while it’s happening. Godless Dad can usually tell just by how I’m typing. He’ll stare at my furious hands and say, “uh-oh, who’s pissed you off now? Wouldn’t want to be in their shoes!”. Honestly, I hate letting things get to me, but Godless Mom is all human and it happens.

The Defensive Loser:

@NytFury @EMPOWERurPOWER what nastiness? my jokes? can you quote me? — Godless Mom (@godless_mom) May 28, 2014

5. The Conceding Candidate– For those days when you feel like a 13 year old girl because you can’t even, the Conceding Candidate gives you a foolproof escape route from having Jeeby-bear rammed down your throat incessantly until you cough up frankincense and myrrh.

The Conceding Candidate:

@syntaxlovecom1 oh, indeed. i lost. now take off. — Godless Mom (@godless_mom) May 28, 2014

6. The Ass – Finally, I give you the ass, which comes in a myriad flavours including The Sarcastic Ass, The Punny Ass, The Cheesy Ass and everyone’s favourite, the I-Should-Probably-Have-Just-Kept-My-Mouth-Shut-Ass.

Ladies and wand-wielders, I give you, The Ass: 

@EMPOWERurPOWER @xWhite_Devilx @TheOtherRosie @NytFury haha, she said HARD. — Godless Mom (@godless_mom) May 28, 2014

Which one most closely resembles your style, or are you all over the board like me?


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