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  • Writer's pictureCourtney Heard

With A History Like This, Who Wouldn’t Want To Be A Mormon?

Joseph Smith
Joseph Smith

I had the pleasure of working for a Mormon man once. He filled our staff with Mormons, and I got to know a little bit about their ideas. I had a front row seat to see how their beliefs manifested in real life. Within the first week of working there, it was pretty obvious that their lives are wrapped in secrecy, they’re habitual liars and the mighty dollar is more valuable to them than women. I watched as he strong-armed his third wife, less than half his age into doing things that were illegal. I watched him enslave addicts under the guise of “recovery”, forcing them to work 10 hours a day for 6 days a week in exchange for their room and board in a recovery home. I watched him invoke Jesus Christ’s name as he gave speeches next to the mayor of our city, the tears arriving right on time, the same time as every speech he gave.

This man was, by far, the evilest person I’d ever come to know in real life. He destroyed lives, he turned a blind eye to an alleged theft ring, the products of which were allegedly sold in his store, he belittled women on a daily basis and after about 8 months and the death of an addict in the program who I had come to adore, I had no choice but to leave.

Of course, as I did so, my boss hopped right up on his moral high horse and acted as though I was the one lacking any sort of moral backbone.

Since that time, I’ve read a lot about Mormonism, because it seemed to me he sincerely thought he was going to be rewarded for his behaviour in the afterlife. I couldn’t wrap my mind around a doctrine that allowed lying, cheating and stealing and still rewarded you in the afterlife. I thought he was just crazy and found ways to justify his own behaviour.

However, in my reading, I found out that no, it’s pretty much Mormonism. Mormonism is in itself, inherently evil. I mean evil in the sense that it goes against everything most modern human beings hold dear, such as preserving life, respecting other people, giving, protecting children, personal space and privacy, and everything else that makes us free and healthy and happy.

Here are a few of the more shocking things I learned about Mormonism:

1. The founder of Mormonism, Joseph Smith, was charged with using seer stones to get people to pay him to find treasure. The charges did not amount to much punishment, but a few years later, Smith used those same “seer stones” to translate the golden tablets said to have been inscribed with the Book of Mormon.

2. From the Book of Mormon, Doctrine & Covenants:

61 And again, as pertaining to the law of the priesthood—if any man espouse a virgin, and desire to espouse another, and the first give her consent, and if he espouse the second, and they are virgins, and have vowed to no other man, then is he justified; he cannot commit adultery for they are given unto him; for he cannot commit adultery with that that belongeth unto him and to no one else.
62 And if he have ten virgins given unto him by this law, he cannot commit adultery, for they belong to him, and they are given unto him; therefore is he justified.
63 But if one or either of the ten virgins, after she is espoused, shall be with another man, she has committed adultery, and shall be destroyed; for they are given unto him to multiply and replenish the earth, according to my commandment, and to fulfil the promise which was given by my Father before the foundation of the world, and for their exaltation in the eternal worlds, that they may bear the souls of men; for herein is the work of my Father continued, that he may be glorified.
64 And again, verily, verily, I say unto you, if any man have a wife, who holds the keys of this power, and he teaches unto her the law of my priesthood, as pertaining to these things, then shall she believe and administer unto him, or she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord your God; for I will destroy her; for I will magnify my name upon all those who receive and abide in my law.
65 Therefore, it shall be lawful in me, if she receive not this law, for him to receive all things whatsoever I, the Lord his God, will give unto him, because she did not believe and administer unto him according to my word; and she then becomes the transgressor; and he is exempt from the law of Sarah, who administered unto Abraham according to the law when I commanded Abraham to take Hagar to wife.

This is a passage about plural marriage and the laws that bind it in the LDS church. A man may take as many wives as he sees fit, but should any one of those wives see another man, she has committed adultery. While I take no issue with consensual polygamy between adults, this is straight-up misogyny.

3. 10% of your income is to be paid to your church, even if it takes away from feeding your children, paying your rent or paying your bills. It is always priority number one and failing to do so can result in ex-communication.

4. Joseph Smith married many women, including girls as young as 14. This is the man on which the entire faith is based.

5. Brigham Young, another of the first Mormon leaders and namesake for a top University in Utah, preached that black skin is a curse from God and that black people are descendants of Cain, the first murderer according to the Bible. Of course, today, many African Americans attend Brigham Young University because I don't know why? Perhaps, they just have no idea what the truth behind the man is.

6. Mormons cannot drink beer, wine, booze, coffee or tea.

7. Mormons believe that if you are black, and you become a Mormon, your skin will begin to whiten.

8. Joseph Smith is noted to have said that giant men dressed like Quakers are living on the moon.

Missouri: The Garden of Eden

9. Mormons believe that Missouri is the Garden of Eden where Adam and Eve first lived.

10. The missionaries of the Church of Latter-Day Saints are strictly prohibited from swimming, as Satan is in control of all natural bodies of water. And now you know why I could never be a Mormon.

11. The LDS God is only one of many gods, all part of a god family who live near planet Kolob as referenced in the Book of Abraham, also translated by Joseph Smith with the seer stones.

12. LDS members have the chance to become gods themselves and create worlds, should they live a righteous life here on Earth.

13. Women in Heaven serve only one purpose: birth babies to populate the worlds created by her god husband.

magic underwear

14. Magic underwear will protect you from evil. Mormons call them temple garments, but they’re fucking silly, so let’s call them magic underwear.

15. Smith was a freemason and stole freemason rituals for the Temple Endowment Sessions. These sessions are secret rituals held in the LDS temple.

16. Joseph Smith was arrested for treason after the 1838 Mormon war and was nearly executed. He escaped prison.

17. Joseph Smith died after again being incarcerated for treason, and firing a pistol at two men before being shot 5 times.

18. The Book of Mormon is a fraud. As if the seer stone bullshit wasn’t enough to prove this point, there are myriad other issues with the Book, including blatant plagiarism, endless spelling, grammatical and translation errors, references to places that have never been located, and a complete and total lack of any archaeological evidence for any of the stories in the book.

While I could go on forever, with 500 more crazy things about Mormonism, these 18 I think have proven my point. Anyone who knows these things and still buys into this doctrine is a complete and total nutbar.

Do you think Mormonism is nuts?

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