The Devil Has Riled Up The Christians Again, And This Time She’s Smokin’ Hot

I have about as much use for the Kardashians as Richard Dawkins does for temple garments. I loathe the celebrity worship culture that gives way to the fame of these reality stars who have no skills, no thoughts, and no idea where they are half the time. The only thing I can assume about the audience is that they’re touched, easily amused and physically missing whole portions of their minds. There’s no other way to enjoy this type of exploitainment.

That said, a show like Keeping up With the Kardashians, or whatever the fuck it’s called, is still centered around human beings. Sure, they’re slow. Sure, they probably couldn’t find their home state on a map of the world if it meant they had to give up their ass implants. Sure, their idea of charity is letting D list celebs reuse their original nail art designs. As much as we loathe them, though, they are living, breathing human beings and have rights. They are flesh and blood who feel.

Now, because I can’t stand this sort of television programming, and I firmly believe that actually watching just a few minutes can cause severe, irreversible brain damage, I haven’t really watched or kept up with the Kardashians, their clan, their ilk or their kin. I don’t know the first thing about Bruce Jenner except that he is not Bruce Jenner anymore. He’s not even he anymore. She is Caitlyn Jenner and as a pseudo-celeb, was forced to come out as a trans woman in the public eye. Yet another fun fact about the Jenner/Kardashians that I couldn’t give less of a shit about.

However, in the wake of Jenner’s recent cover shot in Vanity Fair, dressed as a smokin’ hot woman, furious, sex-obsessed Christians have been jumping up on their soap boxes and screaming foul from every direction. It’s appears, ladies, gentlemen, and everyone in between, that it’s simply not enough for Christians to have a penis in their pants. They need every penis owner to worship their own.

Matt Walsh says,

that Vanity Fair picture of Bruce Jenner dressed like a woman is a monstrosity

Let’s take a look shall we?

I dunno, Matt. She looks damn fine to me. Even if she didn’t, why should every last person on Earth look attractive to me? That’s asking a bit much, don’t you think, Matty? I mean, even for someone who believes in a magical sky man communicating telepathically with each true Christian on Earth, it’s a pretty tall order.

In contrast, what does this look like to you, Matt?

Probably a wonderful sight for you, no? A starving man is finally receiving what he needs… delicious, nutritious, fiction!

Matt goes on to say,

We’re told this is Bruce’s “new self,” but he can’t have a new self.

Why, exactly? Says who? According to which authority, that everyone actually recognizes as an authority? Is it because you feel like that should be the case? Is it because that’s what you want for the world? Didn’t mommy ever tell you, Matt, that just because you wish something were true, it doesn’t make it so?

People reinvent themselves all the time. If how they are doing it really bothers you that much, I have to ask, why are you paying such close attention? Seems to me, you’re spending a little too much time on this, Matty. You don’t… have peculiar feelings… do you, Matt?

Indeed, everyone is treating a disturbing Photoshopped picture of a mentally disordered grandfather dressed up as a college girl like it’s mankind’s greatest achievement since spaceflight.

You looked at something that disgusts you, closely enough to notice the photoshop job, and he’s the one who’s mentally disordered? Hah.

Plus, a college girl? She looks like a classic movie star, with hints of elegant Marilyn and gorgeous Katharine Hepburn. I couldn’t disagree more. I was actually pleasantly surprised at her transformation. I think she looks amazing.

That’s the probs, though, ain’t it Matt? You think she looks great. You felt a tingle in your pants when you saw the photo and then you realized you were looking at someone who was born a man. That’s the real reason you’re so angry about it, isn’t it, Matt? No one gets this upset about something that has no effect on them whatsoever.

Once again, there is a virtually unanimous public agreement that “transgender” people like Bruce Jenner are heroes and saints and and messiahs, and should be worshiped.

Is this really true, Matt? Or did you just build yourself a sexy-ass straw man in 6 inch stilettos? Instead, what a growing portion of the public is starting to agree on, is that trans men and women should be judged for who they are, in their hearts and minds, rather than the transition they face or have faced. Is that really unreasonable?

The truth is, I get so sickened and infuriated by this kind of madness

Again, I’m curious as to why a total stranger’s life has the ability to sicken and infuriate you unless it’s somehow affecting you in a way that makes you uncomfortable. In fact, I’m starting to think the Jenner Vanity Fair shot gave you more than just a half chub. Your little pocket pecker went to full attention, didn’t it? Little Matty popped up and saluted Ms. Caitlyn in all her classic beauty, didn’t he?

I’d prefer, for my own mental health, to ignore it and write about something else.

And yet, here you are writing about it. You’re giving us mixed signals, Matt. As I am sure you do on the daily to your wife and every woman you’ve ever dated.

it is, without a doubt, incredibly insulting and demeaning to women to call this mockery of femininity “female.”

I am all woman, Matt. I am a big-boobed lover of manly men with a makeup kit the size of carry-on luggage. I wear pink bras and paint my nails all the glittery colours of the rainbow. I am a devoted mother and my eyes actually water when I hear babies cry. There isn’t an inch of me that isn’t female, and none of me feels that Caitlyn Jenner is mocking me or any other woman. I do not feel demeaned by a man feeling so feminine inside that he wants to have that reflected on the outside. In fact, I feel it’s a compliment.  A woman is a damned fine thing to be.

You know what I do find insulting, though, Matt? When men like you, look someone like Caitlyn and see something vulgar. You look at femininity and see vulgarity. You’re the one who’s mocking and insulting women, Matt. Caitlyn is, in fact, celebrating femininity.

If I were a woman (which I’m not and never could be), I would be especially angry at the notion that a wealthy celebrity man can essentially buy his way into my sex.

I find it curious that you had to assert that you’re not a woman, there, Matt. Did you think your readers were questioning your gender? I find it odd indeed, especially knowing people tend to blurt out defensive things like that when precisely the opposite is true.

I think you feel a kinship with Caitlyn because something inside of you has those very same feelings she does. You think you’re doing a great job of burying it, but like I said, no one gets this upset about a total stranger’s identity. Especially when it has no effect on your own life. No one blurts out, “I’m not a woman” when it’s never been asserted that you are. I think you lash out to hide your true self, and that’s a shame, Matt. There are so many of us, who would welcome you out of that dark, scary closet with open arms. We would support you through your own transition, not because we think trans people should be worshipped, but because you, like the big-butted Kardashians, and just like Caitlyn Jenner, are a human being and have rights. Because you, Matt, are flesh and blood and can feel… and how you feel about this is obvious, all your fury and disgust is making it clear:

Matt feels like a woman.

#humour #lgbt #LGBTQ


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