• Courtney Heard

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Write A Book

You know what I write all day long? Buzzwords. I write buzzwords. As a copywriter for several businesses I find myself saying things like, “Our capacity to maximize your revenue streams is unparallelled” and “if there’s no return on investment, the capital stream will dry up”.

Sometimes, I want to write, “Given that our CEO regularly gets head from the receptionist, clearly this company has a can-do attitude”. You know… I want to, but I don’t.

I don’t want to sound like a whiney baby here, so understand that I consider myself lucky that I can write for a living, even if it’s not what I want to write. Very, very lucky.

I also can’t lie, though. Writing shit I don’t believe in is getting to me. I am, more or less, a professional liar. I’m a glorified salesperson who’s words aren’t even credited to me at the end of the day. I’m fucking good at it, but I can’t pretend it’s at all fulfilling. Every word is written in some way or another to help some sucker reading it part with his hard earned dollars. It’s never how I wanted to write.

Become a writer they said

Become a writer they said

From the time I was a little, tiny heathen, I’ve written and recorded most of my experiences throughout life. Some call it a diary, I call it preparation for memoirs. Most of it is vacuous teenaged drivel, I can admit:

“Chris is *SO* cute!! He lent me his pen in French class!!”, “Mom and Dad made me do the dishes before I went out tonight and my outfit got all wet. I HATE THEM!” and “Mom took my modem so I might sleep tonight, not knowing I had a backup”.

What? Oh, that last one? Yeah. I told you all I was nerdy. #TrueStory

Outside of this superficial shit though, Godless Mom has led and written about an interesting life. Partially because my parents were adventurers and dragged me across the globe twice, and partly because of my policy of “yes” which I explained in this post.

It’s time though, that I took this seriously. I want to write a book. It doesn’t need to be a bestseller and it doesn’t even need to be received well, I just want to get one done and in the bag. I constantly find myself wishing I had the time. I get an hour here and there to focus on it, which is just not enough. By the time I find my stride, I have to stop. An hour at a time is great for blog posts like this, but a book is a bit more difficult. I’ve gotten a little way into it, and it’s a helluva story, but I just can’t seem to get much further without time.

That’s where you guys come in. I wanted to ask you, in all seriousness, if I started a kickstarter campaign to be able to get this book written and done, would you support me?

It’s funny, when you write a story that matters to you, you are completely incapable of even guessing whether anyone else will want to read it. I really have no fucking clue whether anyone would even enjoy this story, but I can tell you, it’s the weirdest, most out there shit I’ve ever experienced in my life and I’ve seen some shit.

I have some written and the entire story mapped out. I just need the time to write without sacrificing my ability to pay bills. So, I’ve turned to you. I’d love it if you could give me some feedback on whether or not you think this would be a successful Kickstarter campaign.

I’ve also created a Patreon account with, what I think, are some pretty unique rewards. If you want to head over there and check out the rewards you can get from me just for pledging a few dollars a month (plus a small surprise in the automated thank you when you pledge!), then click here. This will also greatly help my ability to get this book finished. In fact, it might even work out better than Kickstarter.

In any case, guys, I welcome your comments because if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be nearing 10k followers on Twitter, and I wouldn’t get the amazing comments filled with encouragement that I do on nearly every post. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t feel I had any community, living here in this overly-churched town with jeebots knocking at my door every week. You make me feel part of something so much bigger. I can’t thank you all enough.

Money or no money, I will blog for you for as long as I can and as often as I can until you start to get sick of me. And it will always, always be free.

Love, Mom xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo